Battlements
by tallshadow72
Summary: Arthur had just lost his father. He was NOT going to let Merlin die too, no matter what Merlin said. Alternate ending to The Wicked Day. Two-shot. No slash.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This idea had been meandering around my head for a while and I finally decided to write it out. Warnings for attempted suicide. Part II to come.**

 **I don't own Merlin.**

* * *

Gaius prepared the body for burial. Arthur stayed away; he couldn't bear to watch. He just needed to get away from all of this. Get away from his life, even if it was only for a few minutes. Get away from the grief and betrayal and responsibility and _oh god he wasn't ready for this._

Arthur went up to the battlements, hoping the crisp night air would clear his head. To his surprise, there was a dark figure standing on the edge—not next to the edge, literally _on_ it. It took a few moments for his agitated mind to register what he was seeing. The figure was a man he had known for more than five years, and the man was about to jump off the battlements and out of Arthur's life forever.

Arthur moved faster than he'd ever moved in his life, grabbing Merlin's wrist and hauling him backwards. Merlin immediately struggled, trying to get free and complete the act. "You complete _idiot_ , Merlin, what the hell do you think you're doing?!" Arthur cried, his voice a mixture of anger and fear.

"It's what you wanted, isn't it?" Merlin retorted, sounding both bitter and thoroughly defeated. "You said I should die for what I'd done. I figured I'd save you the trouble of an execution!"

Arthur's heart was pounding so fast he thought it might burst out of his chest, but he made an effort to speak slowly and calmly. "Merlin, I'm quite certain I never said any such thing. I've just lost my—" He swallowed. "I've just lost my _father_ , for god's sake, the last thing I need right now is to lose you too!"

Merlin shook his head. "I'm not who you think I am," he whispered. "I've done things. Horrible things. I only wanted to help…I've only ever wanted to help…but it always goes wrong. So many people, dead. And now, my one chance to fix everything…gone. Ruined. I've ruined everything. Just let me jump, Arthur. Your kingdom will be better for it."

"No," Arthur said firmly. He managed to guide Merlin down to sit on the ground. "This—this is madness, Merlin. You're—you're just a servant, you don't hold the fate of the entire kingdom in your hands. My father didn't die because you spent another night in the tavern."

"Don't you get it, Arthur?" Merlin exclaimed, sounding frustrated. He tried to stand up, but Arthur put a restraining hand on his shoulder. " _I wasn't in the tavern!_ I was in your father's chambers, casting the spell that killed him!"

"Don't be ridiculous," Arthur scoffed. "That old sorcerer had a good sixty years on you."

Merlin shook his head again. "Aging spell. I told you—" He choked, tears spilling out of his eyes. After a moment, he regained his composure. "I told you I wished only to show you that magic can be used for good." Arthur froze, but Merlin continued. "That I hoped, one day, you would see me in a different light. But you never will, will you. You think I'm pure evil. And you always will. And who am I to argue? I nearly let my village die, because I thought my secret was more important. I abandoned a friend in need, because a dragon told me to. I _poisoned_ that friend, because a dragon told me to. And then I released said dragon, even though I knew he would attack the kingdom! More than a hundred people died. My _father_ died. And then Morgana turned against us all—and why shouldn't she, after she was betrayed by the one person in Camelot who had kept her secret—and thousands _more_ died. My mother was wrong, I _am_ a monster. I have to end this!" Merlin pulled away from Arthur and stood up. Arthur reacted without thinking, instantly pulling Merlin back to the ground. Merlin stared at Arthur, apparently too shocked to try again.

Arthur took a few deep breaths, trying to collect his thoughts. Oddly enough, he wasn't as angry as he would have expected—the sheer terror of finding Merlin on the edge had yet to subside. He continued to keep a firm hold on Merlin as he responded. "Merlin…a man who is pure evil does not attempt to give up his own life to protect others. All the things you said…I won't deny they sound horrible, but…you said you were trying to help. Which means you must have had _some_ reason for it all. Please, just…help me understand. Give me a reason _not_ to lose the man I thought—the man I _hope_ is my closest friend."


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: And now for the talk.**

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Merlin was silent for a long time, staring at his feet. Finally, he spoke in a whisper. "I was born like this."

"Born like what?"

"With magic. I could move objects with my mind before I could talk. My whole life, I've had to keep it secret. Had to keep _myself_ secret. It's not just some tool or skill, it's a _part_ of me. I can't imagine a life without it. I'd rather die."

"Yes, you've made that quite clear," Arthur said drily. "What does this have to do with you trying to help?"

Merlin swallowed. "Mother told me I was special, but everyone else…the villagers didn't know what I was, but they talked. They knew strange things tended to happen around me. There were whispers of magic, of _evil_. I didn't _want_ to believe them, but…I didn't have a better explanation. I didn't know why I was born like this. I needed a _reason_ , and then when I came to Camelot, the dragon gave me one."

"The dragon," Arthur repeated flatly.

"He called me, summoned me to his prison. He told me _you_ were destined to be a great king, the greatest this land has ever known, and my gift was given to me so that I could help you. I took it to heart. Did everything I could to protect you, to cure you of your arrogance, to help you be a better man. When my village was attacked, I was afraid to use my powers—afraid that you would send me away, and I'd be unable to fulfill my destiny." Merlin swallowed again. "Maybe if I'd used my magic right from the start, Will would be alive. He was the only friend I'd had before I came to Camelot. And then he died, taking the credit for _my_ magic because I was a coward."

"But you _did_ help your village," Arthur pointed out quietly. "And your friend died anyway. Perhaps there was nothing you could have done."

"Maybe. We'll never know. Then one night Morgana came to me, terrified out of her wits, claiming she had magic. I asked the dragon for advice, and he told me not to help her. Told me she was dangerous. I didn't want to believe him—I couldn't just abandon a friend—and yet a part of me _did_ believe him. I sent her to the druids instead of telling her she had a kindred spirit inside the castle. And then your father thought she was kidnapped and he sent men to slaughter the druids who were only trying to help her. I tried to persuade Morgana to come back, and in so doing I led the patrol straight to the druids. I never did find out how many died because of me."

"But you weren't _trying_ to lead us to the druids?" Arthur checked.

"No."

"So you were just trying to help Morgana. You didn't tell her you had magic, but you _did_ try to help her."

"Not enough."

"Merlin, I doubt she became corrupted simply because you didn't tell her you had magic."

Merlin snorted bitterly. "No, but she was alone and afraid, living right under the nose of Uther Pendragon. She'd been raised by a man who told her time and again that people like her were evil. She'd watched him execute hundreds of people like her—like _us_. Morgause offered her sympathy, understanding, a sense of belonging and kinship. And me? I poisoned her. Drove her straight into Morgause's arms."

"How the hell was poisoning Morgana meant to 'help' anyone?" Arthur demanded, anger finally seeping into his voice.

"She was the source of the spell that put the kingdom to sleep. The dragon told me that the only way to break the spell was to kill Morgana. So I laced a waterskin with hemlock and tricked her into drinking from it. Morgause was horrified, demanded to know what the poison was…so I made a deal. Morgause called off the attack, and I gave her the poison so she could cure Morgana."

Arthur fell silent, more disturbed than he cared to admit. It took a few moments for him to think of a positive spin on Merlin's latest tale. "You were trying to protect the kingdom. Even if that meant sacrificing one life to save many."

"At least Morgause had put everyone to sleep instead of killing them! If I hadn't intervened, maybe she would have simply killed your father and spared the people! Cenred's siege, the immortal army, the Dorocha—maybe none of that would have happened! Maybe Morgana would still be our friend!"

"You couldn't have known all that would happen."

"Maybe not _that_ , but I'd had a vision of the dragon's release. I'd _seen_ him attack Camelot, and I released him anyway."

"Why?"

"He made me promise. First when I needed a spell to stop Sigan, and then again during the sleeping spell…I had to swear on my mother's life before he would tell me how to wake everyone. I begged him not to harm Camelot, but…"

"But he attacked anyway," Arthur finished. "All that time, he was just using you. Preying on your insecurities. You're not the only person ever to be manipulated, Merlin. Just be glad the dragon's dead."

Merlin shook his head. "No he isn't. I was going to kill him, but…when Father died, I became the last Dragonlord. I am the last of my kind, just as he is the last—"

"Hold on," Arthur interrupted. "What's this about your father?"

"Balinor. He took shelter in Ealdor before your father's men forced him to flee to that cave."

"Balinor was your father?"

"Yes." Merlin sniffled, tears welling up in his eyes again. "I'd never met him before we went to find him. Hadn't even known his name. And then he died taking a blow that was meant for me."

"Like my father," Arthur whispered. He forgot the dragon as he thought back to the old man's— _Merlin's_ —reaction when Uther died. "You really _were_ trying to heal him."

"Arthur, I swear on my mother's life, I meant to heal him. I would never have purposely taken your father from you."

Arthur searched Merlin's face, looking for any hint of deception. All he saw was his friend's earnest face looking back at him, tear tracks on his cheeks. "I believe you." Arthur took a deep breath. "Merlin, I have a feeling we've barely scratched the surface of all the secrets you've been keeping from me, but…I don't think you deserve to die. Just…come inside. We can work this out."

Slowly, Arthur took his hand off Merlin's shoulder and stood up. Merlin stood up as well and glanced over the edge of the battlements. Arthur stiffened, but Merlin turned around and walked inside. Arthur heaved a sigh of relief and followed. He had no idea what would happen now—certainly things would never be the same—but Merlin was alive and he didn't want that to change.


End file.
